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Encountering rejection, especially when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. A publisher is turning you down, delivering a clear “No.” Being an author, I am no stranger to setbacks. I commenced proposing story ideas half a century past, right after finishing university. Since then, I have had two novels rejected, along with book ideas and countless short stories. Over the past 20 years, focusing on personal essays, the rejections have grown more frequent. Regularly, I receive a setback multiple times weekly—amounting to over 100 annually. Overall, denials in my profession run into thousands. Today, I could have a PhD in rejection.

So, is this a complaining outburst? Absolutely not. As, finally, at the age of 73, I have come to terms with being turned down.

By What Means Have I Managed This?

For perspective: By this stage, almost each individual and others has rejected me. I haven’t counted my success rate—doing so would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: recently, an editor turned down 20 articles in a row before accepting one. In 2016, over 50 editors vetoed my manuscript before someone approved it. Later on, 25 representatives passed on a project. A particular editor requested that I send my work less frequently.

The Seven Stages of Rejection

When I was younger, each denial hurt. It felt like a personal affront. It seemed like my work being rejected, but me as a person.

As soon as a manuscript was rejected, I would begin the phases of denial:

• Initially, shock. How could this happen? Why would editors be ignore my skill?
• Next, denial. Maybe it’s the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an mistake.
• Then, dismissal. What can any of you know? Who made you to decide on my efforts? You’re stupid and their outlet is poor. I deny your no.
• After that, anger at those who rejected me, then frustration with me. Why do I put myself through this? Could I be a masochist?
• Subsequently, bargaining (often accompanied by false hope). What does it require you to see me as a unique writer?
• Then, despair. I’m not talented. Additionally, I can never become accomplished.

This continued over many years.

Excellent Precedents

Naturally, I was in good fellowship. Stories of creators whose books was originally rejected are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every renowned author was originally turned down. Because they managed to succeed despite no’s, then possibly I could, too. Michael Jordan was not selected for his high school basketball team. Many US presidents over the recent history had been defeated in races. The actor-writer estimates that his script for Rocky and attempt to star were turned down 1,500 times. He said rejection as a wake-up call to rouse me and keep moving, not backing down,” he remarked.

The Seventh Stage

As time passed, as I reached my 60s and 70s, I reached the final phase of setback. Understanding. Today, I grasp the various causes why someone says no. To begin with, an editor may have already featured a similar piece, or have something in the pipeline, or simply be contemplating that idea for someone else.

Or, more discouragingly, my pitch is not appealing. Or the reader thinks I don’t have the experience or stature to succeed. Perhaps isn’t in the field for the content I am offering. Maybe didn’t focus and scanned my piece too fast to appreciate its quality.

You can call it an awakening. Any work can be declined, and for whatever cause, and there is pretty much nothing you can do about it. Some explanations for rejection are always beyond your control.

Within Control

Some aspects are your fault. Let’s face it, my proposals may occasionally be ill-conceived. They may not resonate and impact, or the message I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe a part about my punctuation, especially dashes, was unacceptable.

The key is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve authored multiple works—the initial one when I was in my fifties, my second, a autobiography, at retirement age—and in excess of 1,000 articles. Those pieces have been published in publications major and minor, in regional, worldwide platforms. An early piece appeared when I was 26—and I have now written to many places for five decades.

However, no bestsellers, no book signings publicly, no features on popular shows, no presentations, no prizes, no accolades, no Nobel, and no national honor. But I can more easily handle no at my age, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have cushioned the stings of my setbacks. I can now be philosophical about it all today.

Valuable Rejection

Setback can be instructive, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s trying to teach. Otherwise, you will probably just keep seeing denial the wrong way. So what lessons have I acquired?

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